we're out of heartache, along with fear

if you can decode the thoughts in my head, then you are my saviour. if you can understand my actions, then i'd surely assume you're god. it's sewn into the very fabric of my being, not to bare myself even to the closest of those to my heart. it scares me, yet i can't unpick the stitches. i'm beginning to wonder if one day i'll stop resisting the urge to push everybody away. and would it be cruel? and to myself, or to them? and why would i stop resisting? and why is the urge there in the first place? and why, am i questioning my own thought patterns?

a thousand thoughts run through my mind
a thousand words that i don't need

today i woke up with chipped nailpolish on my fingernails and the smell of rain in my room. all i want to do is sleep all day with the taste of fresh air around me but the devotion of my time to inking down all my knowledge is a necessity at this moment in time. the aching of my fingers is only rewarded by the constant self reminder that soon enough, it will all be over.

do you notice my fringe? it's both too short and noticably crooked. she fucked up.

what we have here is a dreamer
someone completely out of touch with reality

i can't seem to concentrate - although i'm aware that right now it's most important. i feel i'm going to scrape through, just barely. but i'm thinking that will be enough for me. i'm going to survive, at least. and really that's all i need right now. this is just the practice run, i think.