when i'm alone, i restore myself.

what do you do when you can't show anyone what is in your head. when the words are bland the drawings are messy and the photographs are empty. they look at you and say "i'm sorry, i don't understand", and you try very hard not to scream at them, "but why?". when people have no outlet for their everyday mess of thoughts, what happens? love and nostalgia and humour and anger and discomfort and hurt and excitement and the many possiblities are all mixed together and what happens? i wonder.

i wonder if people are going to remember us?

it was like we had never been separated for almost two years. shopping and coffee and lots and lots of photos. so so much talking. we couldn't keep our mouths closed. we couldn't stop smiling. we couldn't stop revelling in the sudden joy pushed upon us. i can not wait to see them again in june.

Isn't life a series of images that change as they repeat themselves?

last days are always awkward. what do you say. do you pretend it's not happening? do you begin to say your goodbyes, or do you just stay happy to make the most of it? it was funny. we pretended things were normal, mostly. like the next morning he was going to wake up and go to school while i would pretend i was going to wake up, but really ... i would just end up pressing snooze on my alarm and mutter a sleepy "have a good day". then wake at a ridiculously late hour and wait until he got home. we would walk to dog and he would complain about school and i would point out that me, i had finished school forever. but that wasn't going to happen so sometimes we just sat with our legs hanging over the window sill and said "lets not talk about it".

There is more to life than simply increasing its speed.

by this time we had a secret handshake, including wiggling our fingers and clicking our fingers. we watched the neighbours dogs take leisurely strolls through five different yards and climbed the fence just because it was cool. some urinating in the bushes also took place but i decided the friendship wasn't ready for me to participate in this act.

Everyone will be famous, for fifteen minutes.

"just take the picture already", he said. "and then delete it afterwards". it's funny how people can be so many different things at once. i'll never completely figure this one out.

Excuse me while I light my spliff. Good god, I gotta take a lift.

the loyalty and the love and the pure excitement and immaturity between them is astounding. it's like they have their own little world and really, you know you will only ever to be able to watch from the outside. but you don't mind, because watching, you can't look away.

Why are our days numbered ... and not .. say, lettered?

we saw the sun for the first time in weeks and we revelled in it. our sickness grew but it wasn't important. computer games and soccer balls and lots and lots of uncoordination. and sun. that was our day. that was a good day.

don't stress, it's not natural

time has gone faster than i thought - it does that everyday. but i know i'm ready to go. this second life is getting difficult between the people. i don't live the way the do and sometimes that makes it difficult. mostly i just love them to death, but really there is more to life than that.

tell me, did any of you make new years resolutions? i forgot mine.

second picture is from le love.

you can live to be a hundred, if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

- Woody Allen

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.

- Oscar wilde

We went and saw Avatar last night. It was all in french, and i understood it, thank godd.

you've always had that wrong about me.
i really am this shallow.

remember that no matter how hard you try, there is always going to be the sense that you missed something. that collapsed feeling under you skin, that you didn't experience anything at all. that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should have been paying atten the most, taking it all in. get used to that feeling. that's what your whole life will feel like someday. this is all just practice, none of this matters. we're just warming up. and if death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character, would you slow down? or speed up?

happy birthday david ^^

what we have here is a dreamer
someone completely out of touch with reality

i can't seem to concentrate - although i'm aware that right now it's most important. i feel i'm going to scrape through, just barely. but i'm thinking that will be enough for me. i'm going to survive, at least. and really that's all i need right now. this is just the practice run, i think.